Just a check in from me

Ya old pal, Abbey!

Hi my loves,

I have absolutely no plan for this entry, truly just gonna be a stream of consciousness situation. A check in, since I haven’t really done that since the pod went on it’s break.

I tell ya what, a break has been so nice. I needed the rest. I haven’t really had a physical break on my body (and cortisol levels) since getting pregnant with Max, and that was almost 18 months ago. I went from HG pregnancy, to rough birth, to rough birth recovery, to starting the podcast instead of dealing with my problems, to making the podcast while dealing with my problems. If I’m honest, I was probably operating in a state of burn out from May-July.

The issue is that I love making this podcast, and it has brought me so many good things and good people. So it was really hard for me to force myself to actually.. stop. And I say stop like I haven’t just announced an event, and am not recording a podcast episode this week. But at least the hustle of recording and editing has been relieved for a little bit.

I’m not gonna get all “woe is me” because this is a choice I have made, and I can stop whenever I want, and I don’t want to stop. But I do need to learn how to have more balance. It’s been easy to justify to myself that now is the time to hustle because I’m not at work, but I do have an 8 month old, a 3.5 year old and a marriage to keep alive. I haven’t seen so many of my friends in a long time. The balance is non-existent, and that’s not a level I can operate at long term. So, for me, season 2 is going to be all about setting myself up at a pace that I realistically have the stamina to maintain for the next year or so.

I joke to the people in my life a lot that I started the podcast instead of processing my trauma, but I fear that actually isn’t a joke. Nothing like physically stopping to make you realise that your trauma is riiiiight there beneath the surface with a whole bunch of feelings attached to it.